Every religion has its traditions and customs of living and performing certain rituals. Religion plays a vital role in guiding you to lead a prosperous life and gives you an insight into the hereafter. These teachings were often learned, taught, and followed through the holy books of respective religions. With a rough estimate of about 4,200 religions in the world, about 15 million people make up the total Jewish population. Unlike the most followed religion Christianity, the Jewish tradition and customs are very different and unique, according to their book Torah.
As much as the beliefs are practiced in everyday life, specific rituals are also followed during the time of death. These mannerisms are expected to be respected and maintained when a loved one from the Jewish community passes away. It is the time when a family suffers from emotional agony; it is important to respect their privacy and adapt certain manners at the ceremony. If you belong to a different religion than Judaism and are supposed to attend their funeral, here’s a guide to help you understand Jewish funerals etiquette and custom they follow.
The Jewish Beliefs of Death:
There is no specific concept of the hereafter or the afterlife in Judaism. Their beliefs revolve around the soul’s immortality, the dead’s resurrection, and the world to come to a presumption of where the dead return. However, they strongly believe in spending a fruitful and profound life, which proves helpful after death.
What is a Jewish Funeral?
Traditionally, a Jewish funeral takes place within the time limit of 24 hours after death to respect the soul of the one who has passed. The deceased’s body is kept in a wooden biodegradable casket and is buried; this process is also known as internment in Jews. In Judaism, embalming and cremation of the dead are forbidden, and before burial, no viewing of the body takes place. Jews believe in the natural decomposition of the human body; hence burial is the only method they follow after death.
Preparing the Body:
At first, the body is prepared by the Jewish community members who belong to the burial society of the Jews known as Chevra Kadisha. They thoroughly rinse and wash the body and pray over it. The Jewish law strictly orders that the rites of a male body be only performed by men and of a female body by women, respectively. After washing, the body is dressed in a shroud-like custom-white garment, often known as a Tachrichim. The men wear a prayer shawl as a Tillet while preparing the body.
Since all humans are equals according to the Jewish tradition and religion, no intricate casket is used, and the body is placed in a wood casket. Jews believe that the body shall return to earth and naturally decompose; hence, embalming is prohibited. However, cremation is becoming popular among the reform Jews and is accepted by them.
The Funeral:
Any Jew can perform Jewish funerals. A Jewish funeral takes place at a graveside, home, or synagogue. Unlike a social gathering, the ceremony is respected, and conversations are limited inside the synagogue. Prayers and eulogies are simple, recited and translated by the rabbi in either Hebrew or English. The attendees can respectfully participate in the prayers and show respect to the deceased and their families.
The rabbi tears the white garment of the deceased, and a certain Hebrew blessing is recited, and the attendees recite a precise version of the same prayer. In contrast, reformed Jews follow a slightly different tradition where a black ribbon is torn by the rabbi and is handed to the family members to pin on their clothes as a sign of respect to symbolize the loss of their loved one. They recite psalms, a eulogy, and a memorial prayer during the ceremony. The male members of the Chevra Kadisha carry the casket outside the room, followed by the mourners.
The Burial:
Typically, burial takes place soon after the funeral, and, in some cases, the funeral is held at the graveside, followed by the burial. The body is transferred to the cemetery and taken to the gravesite for burial while the family and mourners follow in the form of a form a procession.
Prayers are recited by the rabbi and the attendees when the coffin reaches the grave; the body of the deceased is then lowered into the ground. A Jewish funerals etiquette and custom are that mourners take turns to fill and shovel the coffin with dirt until the casket becomes invisible; this custom is called mitzvot by the Jews.
The casket used for burial is made from plain wood as the Jews believe all humans are equal, so a simple casket is used for all regardless of whether they were rich or poor. Metal or any other casket is not used as it slows down the body’s natural decomposition process; hence, embalming s not allowed. Unlike Christian cemeteries and graves, stones are kept on the headstone instead of flowers to memorialize their loved ones as stones do not die like flowers, so does the memory of the deceased stay alive.
Post Burial:
Sitting Shiva, a Jewish custom is held after a death occurs in a family. It is followed for seven days where the mourners sit barefoot either on the floor, boxes, or low height stools while staying inside the home to grieve ad mourn the loss of their loved one. Mirrors inside the Shiva are covered, so they concentrate on mourning to maintain the focus of mourners on the deceased. Traditionally, this period is for receiving condolences; attendees are expected to communicate less and listen to the griever more. You should not bring any gifts or flowers to the Shiva house; food is an exception if you want to bring something along. Send a note of sympathy to the grieving family if you are not coming to offer condolences.
The Mourning Period:
There are two mourning periods of the Jews following the death. The first period is known to be Shiva which means seven days. The family mourns inside the house and receives condolence from the guests during this time. Mourners gather with the family and recite prayers called mourners’ kaddish to respect the deceased’s soul. Conversations, cutting hair, shaving, and any intimacy among the couples are strictly prohibited during this period to symbolize death and self-submission.
The second mourning period is called shloshin, which continues till thirty days following the funeral. While the family recites prayers for their loved ones, they also re-enter the community and return to their usual routines during this period. In some families, this mourning period exceeds for a year.
What Day is a Jewish Funeral Held?
Traditionally, Saturday is a holy day for the Jews; therefore, burials or Jewish funerals are never held on Sabbath or holidays.
What to Wear to a Jewish Funeral?
Jewish funerals etiquette for dress attire varies for men and women. Black is the most appropriate color for the funeral. However, a range of dark colors is also worn. The dress may also vary as to where the event is taking place, and you can also politely inquire from the deceased’s family if any particular dress code is required to be followed.
For Men:
Men should wear black or dark color business attire. Typically, a suit is paired with a dress shirt and a tie. They are supposed to cover their heads with a skullcap or a yarmulke. However, with the advancement of modern times, men can replace the suit with a jacket or a blazer. If you are conscious of being over or underdressed, keep your dressing simple, formal, and conservative with dark and subdued colors.
For Women:
The Jewish funerals etiquette believes the appropriate attire for women is a conservative black dress. Women are supposed to dress modestly and respectfully do not wear revealing clothes to cause distraction. Covering the head is not necessary for women; however, a headscarf is usually worn as respect. Apart from black, the colour can be replaced by either dark shades or light tones, and business separates must be worn contrary to the dress.
Funeral Etiquettes:
If you want to be a part of a Jewish funeral, ensure to follow the mannerisms and etiquettes to respect the deceased and their family. Here’s what you should do at the funeral:
Sympathy and Condolence:
The best way to morally support the mourning family is to show sympathy and offer your condolences by saying words that comfort them. Empathize with the family and comfort them in person by sharing a memory or story of their loved one. Send a sympathy card or note to offer condolences if you cannot attend the funeral.
Sign the Funeral Register:
Upon your visit to the funeral, sign the register mentioning your name and relation with the deceased. The register serves as a memory later for the family, and they appreciate knowing what relation you had with their loved one.
Send a Message or Gift:
Usually, flowers are not a part of a Jewish funeral, but if attending is not possible, you can offer your condolences by sending the family a gift or minimal flowers with a sympathy note to show support during the mourning period. Other options are to send food or donate to the charity in the name of the deceased.
Contact Frequently:
The mourning period is difficult for the family. If you have a close relationship with the deceased’s family, try to stay in touch with them frequently to ensure their well-being and support them morally, this will depict that you are equally a part of their loss.
Jewish funerals etiquettes and traditions are typically followed the same way around the globe. However, variation may occur due to differences in heritage. If you are attending a Jewish funeral and want to learn about their customs, the guide mentioned above will give you an overview of what to expect at a Jewish funeral.